I'm one of those "YES" people that gets herself into trouble. I get blown away in a perfect storm of passion and willingness, without always fully considering and weighing the consequences. God has filled me to overflowing with vision and desire and compassion. My old hesitant, fearful self has been chiseled into an eager and willing, drops-her-nets-and-runs (while often still scared out of her wits) new creation. When my heart beats in sync with the heart of my God, I seem to forget what is sane, rational, or possible. In this case, I laced up my running shoes and took off without knowing where I was going or how I would ever maintain my speed for the long haul.
Today I read in Luke 5 about Levi, a man who became one of Jesus' disciples. I am fascinated by two verses in particular and how much they DON'T say: "After this [Jesus] went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, 'Follow me.' And leaving everything, he rose and followed him" (Luke 5:27-28). I don't know how many times I have nonchalantly glossed over this passage without really wrapping my mind around it. Today it hit me between the eyes. I immediately thought, "WHAT THE?!?! Did Jesus really just walk up to Levi, say two words, and walk away with Levi tailing him? Having left EVERYTHING?!?!" One minute, he was sitting at his work desk diligently doing his job, the very next he was chasing after this Jesus who had barely uttered a complete sentence in his direction. SERIOUSLY?! What kind of crazy dude does that?!
I wonder, though, if he was crazy, or just plain transformed by an encounter with the God of the universe. Did Levi witness Jesus not only healing the paralytic, but forgiving the enormous weight of his sin as well (Luke 5:17-26)? Was Levi one of the "them" mentioned in verse 26? "And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, 'We have seen extraordinary things today.'" Perhaps Levi's eyes were opened to the greater story God is penning. Perhaps Levi chose to respond to God's invitation for him to be part of that larger story. Perhaps Levi simply said YES, and perhaps we could learn a thing or two from him.
Today, I am terrified by the weight of my YES. A few people, I'm sure, have questioned how wise it is for me to enter into this journey as a single, 25-year-old who is still unsure what she wants to be when she grows up. Some people don't understand me or what I am trying to do. Most people probably think I am out-of-my-mind crazy. I do know this: Anyone who thinks I am noble is just plain wrong. I am nothing. I am a mess...a sold-out, in-love-with-my-God, hot mess. Apart from the lavish riches of God's grace that are constantly, forever heaped over me in a flood, I would fall flat on my face. Without Jesus, my YES would be stupid and unwise. Somehow, though, God takes my weak YES and uses it. Somehow God's purposes are accomplished and I am in shock watching the fruit my little YES can produce.
Today, my prayer is that my terrified, crazy, unwise YES would make much of Jesus. My prayer is that your eyes would be searching, seeking, pursuing the larger story and how you can be a part of it. My prayer is that, like Levi, we would allow our encounters with Jesus to not simply mark our days but to transform our lives. Friends, may your days, weeks, months, and years be characterized by yeses to the heart of God, no matter how terrified, unplanned, plum crazy those yeses are.
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